


The One Thing He Never Knew He Needed

by loonyBibliophile



Category: Homestuck
Genre: College AU, F/M, non sburb au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-13
Updated: 2013-10-13
Packaged: 2017-12-29 08:21:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1003144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loonyBibliophile/pseuds/loonyBibliophile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dirk has always taken Roxy as a constant in his life. Her phsyical presence, her clothes and books around his apartment, the spare shampoo she leaves in his shower. So when one day she stops hanging around, he's forced tot ake a long, hard look at the hole she's left in his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One Thing He Never Knew He Needed

He can't mark the exact point in her relationship with this Chris dude that she stops coming over to his house on Fridays to watch either Harry Potter or Black Beauty, depending on the week. He doesn't remember when she stopped dropping by between French and Biochemistry on Tuesdays to nap on his couch an inevitably leave some article of her clothing in his dorm room. At some point the bag or her extra toiletries and pajamas, normally in the top left drawer of his dresser, next to the sweatsuit she gave him as a joke, disappears, along with two of her t-shirts, a skirt, and a pair of wool tights. 

He doesn't notice any of it as it's happening, but one day it hits him in the face like a ton of bricks. She still waves at him in the hall, and they sit together when their breaks overlap to eat between classes sometimes, but she never runs at him from across campus to leap up at him, and she doesn't put her feet in his lap when she sits on the sofa next to him in the student lounge. 

He doesn't like it and Friday nights feel empty without her sitting next to him and his dorm room doesn't smell like sugar anymore, it's weird to not hear her singing in his shower on any given day because Jane used up all their hot water. But he's okay with it, because she's smiling and laughing and this Chris guy seems pretty okay. He fills his time over practicing for fencing and doing his homework earlier than normal. He goes to a lot of coffee shops and toys with the idea of asking out one of the baristas he sees all the time, the slightly older boy with the shaggy surfer blonde hair and a sloppy smile. 

He sees her in the quad one Thursday and instead of just waving, he pulls her aside. 

"Long time no see, Rox." he says with a smile. 

"What are you talkin' about Strider? We had lunch yesterday." she grins 

"Well, yes, but normally my life is so consumed with your presence I don't quite know what to do with my time when I don't have to worry about coming home to you singing Marina and the Diamonds in my shower or fast asleep on my sofa." He laughs at his own comment but mentally slaps himself for not just telling her he misses her. 

"Awh, Dirky, I'm sure you're glad to have me outta that spiky hair of yours." She slaps him on the back and smiles, but then she sees Chris out of the corner of her eye and wiggles her fingers in goodbye before running over to him. The dark haired boy gives Dirk a hard look before wrapping a possessive arm around her and walking away. So much for that plan, Dirk thinks, before wandering off to his car and heading to his usual coffee shop hang. 

He orders the same thing as always, a medium drip with room for cream, but the order feels sort of wrong without the addition of Roxy's disgustingly sweet and over customized large white chocolate raspberry iced mocha with an extra shot of espresso with raspberry and chocolate drizzle on the whipped cream. The barista winks at him suggestively, but he doesn't feel like asking for his number. he sits there so long, the shift changes, and the cute surfer boy barista is replaced by the female barista with the tongue ring. She squints at him. 

"Where's blondie? Aren't you two like, sewn together or something? I haven't seen her in awhile." 

"She got a boyfriend, I got the shaft. But it's cool, she's enjoying herself."

"Wait, you two weren't dating?"

"What? No, I'm not all that into the fairer sex." 

"No shit, I know that, I'm not deaf dumb and blind. but you're seriously telling me with the way you stare at her all the time, the two of you weren't a thing? Everyone's got exceptions." she shrugged.

"Staring? What are you talking about?"

But the barista has wandered off to serve some customers, leaving Dirk staring out the window as he drank the last of his coffee, confused. 

He wasn't in love with Roxy. Roxy was a girl. He didn't like girls. yes, Roxy was pretty much objectively beautiful, but that didn't mean he was attracted to her. He shook his head, in an effort to shake away the thought, and walked out of the cafe, back towards his car to head back to his apartment. No one was home, because he didn't have any roommates. it was quiet and still and empty. He sighed, and threw his bag on the ground. He flipped through his phone, thinking idly about calling someone to come hang out at his apartment and make out or hook up. He could, easily enough, but doing something like that on a Friday felt wrong, because Fridays had alway been his day for Roxy, for as long as he could remember. 

Life continued like that for a few weeks, seemingly empty and slow moving, and every day what the barista said nagged at the back of his mind and every time it surfaced, he pushed it away. he was not in love with Roxy. He was not attracted to women, he could not be in love with Roxy. He wrote off the twinge in his chest and stomach every time he saw her as worry. he clenched his fists and ignored the swell of anger every time she came to school where something that obviously belonged to Chris, and tried not to think about all the days she used to come to school wearing his own tshirts and sweaters and really anything else of his he'd let her. But as life would have it, eventually a feeling surfaced even Dirk Strider could not shove down.

It was the last day of classes before winter break. It was overcast and there was a chill in the air, the forecast promising rain soon. Dirk spotted Roxy waiting in the doorway of the student lounge and walked over to say hello. the closer he got the more his stomach dropped. The dress she was wearing was new, or at least he'd never seen it before. It was long sleeved, and a soft shade of dusty pink, flared out at the hips, like an ice skater's skirt, with a black bow tied neatly around her waist, the ribbon trailing down to her legs, wrapped in black woolen tights and a pair of black ankle boots. 

In that moment, Dirk felt a variety of things. he realized she must have been wearing that for Chris, which inexplicably enraged him. He was somewhat put out to realize he was obviously no longer who she went to to drag shopping with her, since he recognized nothing but her tights. And in a rush, he realized she was attractive. Not in the objective, general way he'd always thought she was, but attractive to him. 

Shit, he though. Shit fuck, the barista had been right. he was in love with his best friend, if he could still call her that, and there she was, wearing an adorable, skin tight pink dress that made her look like a goddess for someone he knew almost nothing about and whom there was no way knew her anywhere near as well as he did. And there was nothing he could do about it, because she was happy. And it wasn't his place, as the idiot who took his entire life to realize he was in love with her, to mess that up for her. 

So instead he just walked up and hugged her quickly. 

"Oh, hey Strider!" she said warmly, returning his hug. 

"Sup, Lalonde. Nice dress. You look good." 

"Aw, thanks, Dirky. Gotta big date tonight." she giggled as she spoke. Dirk smiled, and hoped it looked sincere and not sad as he hugged her again,and put his hands earnestly on her shoulders, squeezing lightly. 

"I'm happy for you, Roxy. I'm really happy for you." She looked at him oddly, tilting her head. 

"You okay, Dirk?"

"Of course. Have a good break. See you around?" she nodded and he nodded back, offering her a salute as he walked away, then tucking his hands in his pockets. he couldn't believe how stupid he'd been for so long. Of course he loved her. And he'd been too blind and consumed with his own identity to notice what was right in front of him. 

The first week of break passed uneventfully. Dirk didn't bother going home for the holiday, his brother was in Aruba or somewhere like that shooting, and he might as well stay at school if he's going to be alone. Normally, he'd spend the actual holidays at the Lalonde house, but he had a feeling his invitation would go to Chris this year. He was at the store, a few days before Christmas, looking for a small fake tree to stick in his window, when his phone buzzed in his pocket. It was Roxy. 

"Hello?"

"Hey, Distri. I've been a shitty friend lately. Sorry bout that." 

"Nah, you were just busy. It's okay. what's up, Rox?"

"You got plans for the holidays?"

"Do I ever?"

"I'm leaving to go home in a few hours, if you wanna come."

"I assumed Chris would be accompanying you in my place." 

"I dumped Chris three days ago. You in?"

"Uh, yeah, sure. Let me pack and I'll swing by your place? Are you okay, and uh, stuff?" 

"I'm right as rain, actually. See you soon, Strider." 

"Yeah, see you." he nodded to himself as he hung up, and then realized in a split second he didn't have a Christmas present for her. Once again, he was thankful for the god awful amount of money his brother made, and jogged through the sleet outside to the high end shopping center near the mall. Content with what he found to purchase, he headed home, packing warm clothes for the northern New York snow. His suitcase in hand, he walked over to Roxy's apartment, just up the street, pulling the hood of his peacoat over his head to keep his hair dry. he rang the bell, then just opened the unlocked door. She smiled warmly when she saw him and rushed over and hugged him tightly. Dirk felt more normal than he had in weeks and returned her embrace contentedly, ruffling her hair slightly. 

He looked down at her and smiled. She was wearing a bright red velvet dress with white tights and the same black boots. 

"Who are you, Mrs, Claus?"

"Oh, shut up, I'm trying to be festive." 

"You look good." he smiled sincerely. 

"You clean up pretty nice yourself. Did I buy you that coat?"

"Indeed you did, Christmas last year."

"Well, let's get on the road, if we don't get into Rainbow Falls before the snows start we're fucked and my mom will have some sort of conniption fit. I'll tell you what happened while I drive."

"Do you have chains?" Dirk asked, as they locked up and headed to Roxy's car, tossing their bags in the trunk.

"Of course. I am a New York native, thank you. Unlike you, Mister I Moved Here From Houston." she bumped his hip lightly before slipping into the driver's seat and turning up the heat while Dirk got in on the other side. 

The drive to Rainbow Falls from their college was only about two hours, and Roxy spent most of it explaining how while Chris had been a nice guy, after awhile she has realized he was just sort of boring and the fact that he disliked Dirk hadn't helped matters, so she'd had to give him the boot. 

"After all, it's not like we were ever going to get married or something. it was fun to date someone I guess, but I'd rather be available when my Prince Charming finally decides to sweep me off my feet." she chuckled as she took a sip of the coffee they'd picked up about twenty minutes back. 

"As long as you're happy, I'm happy, Rox."

The snow was just starting to fall as she pulled into the driveway of the ostentatiously large Lalonde residence. Roxy tilted her head up, catching a few snowflakes on her tongue, smiling. Dirk shook his head and laughed, watching the flakes catch in her blonde hair and form little clusters of white on her dress. The cold air turned her nose and cheeks a light shade of pink. 

"Roxy, as pretty as you look covered in snowflakes, we should get inside. You don't have a coat on." 

"Dirk Strider! Did you just call me pretty!?"

"Come on now, Lalonde, you and I and everyone else in the world with eyes knows how good looking you are, but you won't be quite so easy on the eyes if Jack Frost nips your nose clean off." Dirk was slightly startled by his own words, but she seemed to be laughing and going along with it, so he tapped her nose gently. 

"Aren't you complimentary?"

"What can I say. I missed you." he shrugged, hoping the light flush to his cheeks would be written off as caused by the cold air, as the snow fell a little thicker. 

"Oh please. I'm sure you threw parties with all your prettyboy friends and had a literal gay old time without me." she chuckled. But Dirk shook his head seriously. 

"Nope. Mostly I just sat around and thought about how empty my apartment was without you, or all the clothes you leave everywhere, or your awful, awful, taste in music." he smiled wryly, but pushed his glasses up into his hair, so she would know he wasn't messing around. 

"Dirk, I... if you missed me that much why didn't you like, say somethin'?"

"You were happy. I wasn't gonna mess that up for you. Who am I to take you away from something that makes you smile?" he shrugged lightly and Roxy shook her head, walking over and hugging him tightly. He smiled and returned the hug again, rubbing her cold arms with his hands. 

"I missed you too, for the record. I figured you'd appreciate a break from me, that's all."

"Well, as much as I missed you, it was also a good thing you were away for awhile. it uh, gave me some time to think about some stuff."

"Stuff?" she titled her head at him, shivering a little. He shrugged his coat off and draped it over her before continuing to talk.

"yeah, it was sort of an eye opener to see how much difference you not being around made. i think i sort of took your presence for granted before. I assumed you would just always be around, and then you weren't, and it was like this huge weird hole in my life, and that made me realize something." 

Roxy tilted her head further, wrapping his jacket around her. 

"I spent my whole life so wrapped up in this idea that I was only attracted to dudes and having this warped and specific idea of what relationships and love were, that I didn't see what was in front of me before I saw the hole it left when it wasn't there anymore."

"Dirk, are, are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"I love you, Roxy. Probably for most of our lives. And I know you just broke up with someone and I know you probably don't have feelings for me like you did when we were younger, but I just wanted you to know, that if you ever want me, I'm here." he coughed slightly, shifting back and forth in his boots. Roxy chuckled and shook her head. 

"You idiot. Of course I love you too." she leaned up and kissed him lightly, before taking his hand in hers and heading to the warmth of inside. He grinned contentedly and followed her, rubbing his thumb along the side of her hand. 

The rest of the holiday passed quickly and pleasantly, and when they got back to school, it didn't take long for Roxy's things to become scattered around Dirk's apartment again. And every time he saw one of her socks, or a pair of tights, or a skirt strewn somewhere random in his living room or bedroom, he smiled. it just made it feel more like a home.


End file.
